Shouldn't it be vice versa? If it's your birthday, you should be receiving all of the chocolate, not making it. 😉 As for my plans... There's someone who's invited me to spend the day with him, but I don't know if he expects anything special. Knowing him, he likely doesn't. Perhaps it'd be awkward for him to receive anything too extravagant. I have trouble distinguishing the kind of relationship we have with each other, lately. With this world as it is, it's difficult to tell when things are just for fun or getting serious. I'm not fond of how chroma and the moons work, if I'm honest.
[ A moment— a delay. ]
I'm sorry, Lady Kitsuno. I didn't mean to overshare.
[ Her next reply comes after she's read everything, and she ends up smiling to herself. ]
I agree with you, actually. As open as this world is, about feelings and love, it can be hard to know when someone is serious. I've had to push my own feelings aside for another too, because I didn't want to be selfish with him. And I don't want him to feel obligated to just me in a world so ephemeral, with others that feel the same way for him... But if this person has invited you in particular...
That means he probably wants your company over others, does it not?
I'd like to think so, but who can say? I don't want to get my hopes up too high, frankly. I've experienced a lot of disappointment and loss, so it's difficult for me to put myself out there willingly.
I'm sorry that you've had that experience here. I can only imagine that it's only worse for those of us who have lived here longer. Did you at the very least tell him about your feelings, or were you too afraid of what he might say or do? I think that fear is understandable. Especially when you aren't the type to want to share.
You don't have to answer me if it's too personal. I'm just curious as to how people think about romance, and would like to hear another perspective. Call it therapeutic.
I've learnt... or understood, that the secret to being happy here Is to just accept the joys that come to us for as long as we can have them without worrying about when they'll disappoint us. It's easy to be lonely here, after all. But you'll end up meaning more to some and it wouldn't be right to deny yourself if you both felt the same way, wouldn't it?
[ Oh, oh dear. How does she un-send a message?! Better just. Act like she meant to say it. Even if her reply comes five minutes later after she internally panics. ]
But we're just friends- it's better this way. I'd rather see him happy, than obligated. That was my choice. And he's... also in agreement. This place creates many bonds, and it wouldn't be right to demand more on top of it.
I don't think you have to worry about that in your situation, though, Iruma-san.
[ Samatoki rejected her? Or maybe not; it seems she told him her feelings but then left it at that. Without asking him to be her own, or something. Jyuto's frowning at his communicator, unsure of how he feels about the situation. He can't tell if Kitsuno may or may not be hurting from confessing to Samatoki, or if she feels liberated now that it's out in the open. ]
Riou seemed to be under the impression that the two of you were an item, so I mistakenly thought so too. I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions. Do you feel at ease with things as they are? Telling the person you like how you feel takes a lot of bravery. I'm proud of you.
Since I don't know what to make of my own situation right now, so I'm taking it day by day. Perhaps if I sit on it long enough, things will become clearer in time.
I was thinking, have you ever had someone throw you a birthday party?
[ Some part of her is wondering, but at the same time, she isn't as unhappy as one would be. She's already gotten it in her mind that she has no right to ask for more than what she gets, so why insist?
Jyuto's words make her look surprised though. ]
Really? Ah... Riou-san is kind to think so, but we're not... that? I like Samatoki, tis true. He is very dear to me. I'm happy as things are, as he is. I'm not the only one he cares for, after all. Thank you, though. I'm grateful that you're understanding as well.
[ She's not sure what else to think of them anyway. ]
But it's why I admire you, Iruma-san. You've a kinder heart than you like to show others. I have a feeling your answer may be more clearer than you think. But it is wise to give it time. If only for your own satisfaction.
[ Always honest— she hopes whatever is troubling him does grow unfogged. His next question makes her wonder. ]
A party for my day of birth? We usually just celebrated by giving my people presents from the palace gardens Meals and treasures, blessed by the oracle. They would celebrate with dances and processions. Something like that... But it was mostly for them, to celebrate than something for myself alone. Why do you ask?
Because this year, perhaps we could throw a small birthday party. What you're describing doesn't sound terrible, but it's very backwards in comparison to the world I come from. Would you like to try celebrating it our way? Let me know what you think.
[ He gracefully avoids talking about his own feelings anymore. He's been stewing in them privately lately, but doesn't want to burden anyone else with them. He feels like he's already told her too much, because no one else is aware of the predicament he feels he's in. ]
[ A party for her? Where she works usually does decorating for others' parties and the like. ]
I wouldn't be opposed... I've only helped decorate such events, though. I wouldn't be able to afford anything of the sort. Unless it was a very small venue.
[ She only makes enough chroma to get by. Though she can tell he's trying to change the subject, and she wants to ask more, but.. timing. She's going to look for an opening. ]
I imagine one of our apartments should suffice enough? Something too extravagant isn't necessary. Some of my best birthdays were spent in the comfort of my own home. If I told you how the party were to proceed, I feel that'd spoil the surprise of it. How about we set a day aside for it and you just find out that way?
You would do that for me, Iruma-san? You've already done so much. I've only been a burden to you. And now you're troubling yourself for such a thing...
May I at least hear of your burdens in return? If you are set on this, then I can only hope I may provide you some comfort. I promise whatever you have to unload will never slip past this tongue.
I think it sounds like it could be fun, it’s really no trouble at all. You seem interested. I think we should hold this party on Sunday, the 16th. It should give us time to recover from Valentine’s Day festivities, and me more time to prepare something small.
[ It isn’t often anyone outside of MTC asks for him to unload on them. There’s a soft smile on his lips upon reading. ]
And very well. But only if you, in turn, do the same. You’re a kind woman and this world will try you until you may not be anymore. I don’t want that to happen to you.
I don't mind whenever it is held. Truthfully, I'd be fine with just greetings. But if I could see everyone's smiling faces, that would be more than enough. Thank you, Iruma-san, for thinking of me, too.
[ She doesn't really have any desires most humans would for the occasion, though his next words make her chuckle aloud. ]
I've already lost a lot, back home. I don't think I'd allow myself to lose myself, too. But please, speak candidly whenever you can. Especially to those you hold dear. Fear will only hold you back, after all... And I would like the best for you, too. As well as for those around you.
I'm not so sure. I've never been compelled to think too deeply about it, but I suppose it's arrogant for humans to assume that they're capable of understanding everything that happens in the worlds around them.
They're real where I come from... Though I hear humans seem to follow them in ways that may not be how they want.
The reason I ask, is... Back where I come from, I serve as the voice of my goddess. Sometimes, the things I feel I should do, aren't things my goddess wants of me. So I end up obeying in my servitude, perhaps for the better. Perhaps for the worst. I'll never know at times.
You're fortunate to not have that, Iruma-san. You're free to decide where you wish to lead your life. My goddess has never guided me badly, but- Seeing you humans hesitate in things I would easily accept were I given the chance for it... Is a bit sad.
I just hope whatever you decide will lead you to your contentment. But if ever you doubt, I'd hope I can assist in clearing your thoughts, if just that.
So you’re almost like a prophet or priestess, of sorts? That’s very interesting. This is going to sound ridiculous I’m sure and while I don’t mean to be the voice of evil or anything, I just wonder what if you were to try and live your life more like a human while living here? You’re removed from your world, so it’s an opportunity as any. It isn’t as if there are any princess responsibilities or expectations that have followed you here, but then again, who am I to talk? I’m also the one trying to recreate my circumstances from back home and making the drug war in Lunatia a problem of my own when it isn’t… Anyway, I’d like to think you’re free to choose?
I am the Oracle of my people, yes. It's not ridiculous at all, for a suggestion. I have been trying, but...
I've my reasons, for not engaging as much. Though I want to... everything I've seen is so fascinating. But the point of my words is, you always have your choice, Iruma-san.
I have to be careful, even when I have it. I have a condition... I suppose. It's what the people here call it. Back home, it's called a curse.
[ Her next reply comes a while after. ]
May I... Ask you not to speak of this to anyone? I ended up telling you without thinking. I don't want anyone to be scared of me.
I won’t tell anyone, your secret is safe. It seems like a valid reason to be nervous about word getting out, but I believe that those who want to spend time with you will do so regardless of whether or not you are or aren’t cursed. Do you know if there’s any way magic here may break it? It may be something of interest to look into. I could help you investigate, if you’d like.
I wish it were possible. But it's a part of me, whether I like it or not.
Some of the spiritkind has their own form of "allure". One that can charm those around them. Foxes are the ones that hold the strongest allure of all. Mine own is... corrupted. It can cause an influence that is close to maddened lust in men. I was left vulnerable at birth after the Demon Lord of the Underworld attempted to claim our land, and the Goddess' light within me protected us. And one of his minions used it to corrupt my allure. I believe... they are what you call pheromones here.
It has already destroyed the relationship between my adopted brother and myself. I would rather it doesn't do so to anyone else. That is why, even if I feel the way I do for Samatoki, I can't risk hurting him with myself. I wear limiters to reduce the risk, but every month I have to remove them to let my body breathe. If any men were to be around me, then, they'd be sent into a frenzy and strike at anyone nearby, becoming like beasts.
Back home, I was locked away for years once it worsened. It was my childhood friends who found a solution, however temporary. But it's why I need to be careful. Thank you, though. You're the first I've told of this. It feels like a relief to have at least one person know...
Hm. I’d like to think that if a minion managed to corrupt your allure that there may be some way to purify it here. There are all sorts of moonblessed here, some who aren’t human and come from worlds similar to your own. Perhaps it’s something worth not giving up on. If it’s Samatoki you’re worried about, you shouldn’t. Nothing scares him. He’s been through a lot. Even if he knew, I know for certain that he wouldn’t leave your side. And neither will I, rest assured. Regardless of that fact, I will respect your wishes. It’s your decision to tell others, should you ever decide that you want to.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
If it's your birthday, you should be receiving all of the chocolate, not making it. 😉
As for my plans...
There's someone who's invited me to spend the day with him, but I don't know if he expects anything special.
Knowing him, he likely doesn't. Perhaps it'd be awkward for him to receive anything too extravagant.
I have trouble distinguishing the kind of relationship we have with each other, lately.
With this world as it is, it's difficult to tell when things are just for fun or getting serious.
I'm not fond of how chroma and the moons work, if I'm honest.
[ A moment— a delay. ]
I'm sorry, Lady Kitsuno. I didn't mean to overshare.
1/2
I've only given to my people on the moon of my birth.
But I wouldn't mind receiving either.
2/2
I agree with you, actually.
As open as this world is, about feelings and love,
it can be hard to know when someone is serious.
I've had to push my own feelings aside for another too, because I didn't want to be selfish with him.
And I don't want him to feel obligated to just me in a world so ephemeral, with others that feel the same way for him...
But if this person has invited you in particular...
That means he probably wants your company over others, does it not?
no subject
I've experienced a lot of disappointment and loss, so it's difficult for me to put myself out there willingly.
I'm sorry that you've had that experience here.
I can only imagine that it's only worse for those of us who have lived here longer.
Did you at the very least tell him about your feelings, or were you too afraid of what he might say or do?
I think that fear is understandable. Especially when you aren't the type to want to share.
You don't have to answer me if it's too personal.
I'm just curious as to how people think about romance, and would like to hear another perspective.
Call it therapeutic.
1/2
Is to just accept the joys that come to us for as long as we can have them without worrying about when they'll disappoint us.
It's easy to be lonely here, after all.
But you'll end up meaning more to some and it wouldn't be right to deny yourself if you both felt the same way, wouldn't it?
2/3
I just think you're doing what I've done before...
So I hope you'll consider your own feelings, too.
As for Samatoki, I've told him how I feel already—
3/3
But we're just friends- it's better this way.
I'd rather see him happy, than obligated.
That was my choice. And he's... also in agreement.
This place creates many bonds, and it wouldn't be right to demand more on top of it.
I don't think you have to worry about that in your situation, though, Iruma-san.
no subject
Riou seemed to be under the impression that the two of you were an item, so I mistakenly thought so too.
I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions. Do you feel at ease with things as they are?
Telling the person you like how you feel takes a lot of bravery. I'm proud of you.
Since I don't know what to make of my own situation right now, so I'm taking it day by day.
Perhaps if I sit on it long enough, things will become clearer in time.
I was thinking, have you ever had someone throw you a birthday party?
no subject
Jyuto's words make her look surprised though. ]
Really? Ah... Riou-san is kind to think so, but we're not... that?
I like Samatoki, tis true. He is very dear to me.
I'm happy as things are, as he is.
I'm not the only one he cares for, after all.
Thank you, though. I'm grateful that you're understanding as well.
[ She's not sure what else to think of them anyway. ]
But it's why I admire you, Iruma-san.
You've a kinder heart than you like to show others.
I have a feeling your answer may be more clearer than you think.
But it is wise to give it time.
If only for your own satisfaction.
[ Always honest— she hopes whatever is troubling him does grow unfogged. His next question makes her wonder. ]
A party for my day of birth?
We usually just celebrated by giving my people presents from the palace gardens
Meals and treasures, blessed by the oracle.
They would celebrate with dances and processions.
Something like that...
But it was mostly for them, to celebrate than something for myself alone.
Why do you ask?
no subject
What you're describing doesn't sound terrible, but it's very backwards in comparison to the world I come from.
Would you like to try celebrating it our way? Let me know what you think.
[ He gracefully avoids talking about his own feelings anymore. He's been stewing in them privately lately, but doesn't want to burden anyone else with them. He feels like he's already told her too much, because no one else is aware of the predicament he feels he's in. ]
no subject
I wouldn't be opposed...
I've only helped decorate such events, though.
I wouldn't be able to afford anything of the sort.
Unless it was a very small venue.
[ She only makes enough chroma to get by. Though she can tell he's trying to change the subject, and she wants to ask more, but.. timing. She's going to look for an opening. ]
What do your parties entail?
no subject
Something too extravagant isn't necessary. Some of my best birthdays were spent in the comfort of my own home.
If I told you how the party were to proceed, I feel that'd spoil the surprise of it.
How about we set a day aside for it and you just find out that way?
no subject
You've already done so much. I've only been a burden to you.
And now you're troubling yourself for such a thing...
May I at least hear of your burdens in return?
If you are set on this, then I can only hope I may provide you some comfort.
I promise whatever you have to unload will never slip past this tongue.
no subject
You seem interested. I think we should hold this party on Sunday, the 16th.
It should give us time to recover from Valentine’s Day festivities, and me more time to prepare something small.
[ It isn’t often anyone outside of MTC asks for him to unload on them. There’s a soft smile on his lips upon reading. ]
And very well. But only if you, in turn, do the same.
You’re a kind woman and this world will try you until you may not be anymore.
I don’t want that to happen to you.
no subject
Truthfully, I'd be fine with just greetings.
But if I could see everyone's smiling faces, that would be more than enough.
Thank you, Iruma-san, for thinking of me, too.
[ She doesn't really have any desires most humans would for the occasion, though his next words make her chuckle aloud. ]
I've already lost a lot, back home.
I don't think I'd allow myself to lose myself, too.
But please, speak candidly whenever you can.
Especially to those you hold dear.
Fear will only hold you back, after all...
And I would like the best for you, too.
As well as for those around you.
Do you believe in any deities, Iruma-san?
no subject
I've never been compelled to think too deeply about it, but I suppose it's arrogant for humans to assume that they're capable of understanding everything that happens in the worlds around them.
I can't believe I lost this tag
Though I hear humans seem to follow them in ways that may not be how they want.
The reason I ask, is...
Back where I come from, I serve as the voice of my goddess.
Sometimes, the things I feel I should do, aren't things my goddess wants of me.
So I end up obeying in my servitude, perhaps for the better. Perhaps for the worst. I'll never know at times.
You're fortunate to not have that, Iruma-san. You're free to decide where you wish to lead your life.
My goddess has never guided me badly, but-
Seeing you humans hesitate in things I would easily accept were I given the chance for it...
Is a bit sad.
I just hope whatever you decide will lead you to your contentment.
But if ever you doubt, I'd hope I can assist in clearing your thoughts, if just that.
As your friend!
no subject
That’s very interesting.
This is going to sound ridiculous I’m sure and while I don’t mean to be the voice of evil or anything, I just wonder what if you were to try and live your life more like a human while living here?
You’re removed from your world, so it’s an opportunity as any.
It isn’t as if there are any princess responsibilities or expectations that have followed you here, but then again, who am I to talk? I’m also the one trying to recreate my circumstances from back home and making the drug war in Lunatia a problem of my own when it isn’t…
Anyway, I’d like to think you’re free to choose?
no subject
It's not ridiculous at all, for a suggestion.
I have been trying, but...
I've my reasons, for not engaging as much.
Though I want to... everything I've seen is so fascinating.
But the point of my words is, you always have your choice, Iruma-san.
I have to be careful, even when I have it.
I have a condition... I suppose. It's what the people here call it.
Back home, it's called a curse.
[ Her next reply comes a while after. ]
May I...
Ask you not to speak of this to anyone?
I ended up telling you without thinking.
I don't want anyone to be scared of me.
no subject
Do you know if there’s any way magic here may break it?
It may be something of interest to look into.
I could help you investigate, if you’d like.
no subject
But it's a part of me, whether I like it or not.
Some of the spiritkind has their own form of "allure".
One that can charm those around them.
Foxes are the ones that hold the strongest allure of all.
Mine own is... corrupted.
It can cause an influence that is close to maddened lust in men.
I was left vulnerable at birth after the Demon Lord of the Underworld attempted to claim our land, and the Goddess' light within me protected us.
And one of his minions used it to corrupt my allure.
I believe... they are what you call pheromones here.
It has already destroyed the relationship between my adopted brother and myself.
I would rather it doesn't do so to anyone else.
That is why, even if I feel the way I do for Samatoki,
I can't risk hurting him with myself.
I wear limiters to reduce the risk, but every month I have to remove them to let my body breathe.
If any men were to be around me, then, they'd be sent into a frenzy and strike at anyone nearby, becoming like beasts.
Back home, I was locked away for years once it worsened.
It was my childhood friends who found a solution, however temporary.
But it's why I need to be careful.
Thank you, though.
You're the first I've told of this.
It feels like a relief to have at least one person know...
no subject
I’d like to think that if a minion managed to corrupt your allure that there may be some way to purify it here. There are all sorts of moonblessed here, some who aren’t human and come from worlds similar to your own. Perhaps it’s something worth not giving up on. If it’s Samatoki you’re worried about, you shouldn’t. Nothing scares him. He’s been through a lot. Even if he knew, I know for certain that he wouldn’t leave your side.
And neither will I, rest assured.
Regardless of that fact, I will respect your wishes.
It’s your decision to tell others, should you ever decide that you want to.